Art takes many sides.

Crying is like an artfort,

it's beautiful in all it's reserve.

Dying is like a triumph,

where only the best can learn.

Doing is more than action,

nothing see's fit to the choice of showing face.

Direction is close to going nowhere,

till you know which way is the right place.

I never really enjoyed crying,

not just infront you, but all.

I couldn't care-less about dying,

since in the end we're all going to fall.

I don't like to do,

if nothings fit for anyone around.

And I've never had time for direction,

Especially when I don't want to be found.

When life gives you lemons

When life gives you lemons, you throw the lemons back at life and scream, I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS, then you make yourself a cocktail.

Everyone gets put into a predicament where they feel that their life just isn't going to get better. They say when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go from there is up, so shouldn't it go the same way for those on top?
I seem to find that once you've hit rock bottom enough it stays stagnant for a while. Which can be more than disheartening. I know alot of people that turn to substances in order to fix their reality and transform themselves into a being which lives in reality only in their passed out state.
I feel sorry for those people, but at the same time wish them well. I see alot of people fall apart all the time and hope that the next time I hit rock bottom. I dont turn to the disillusioned state of reality, where I've had to pick myself up from, many times before.

Pain is a very dark state of mind, which clouds the decisions by which any common sense gets thrown out the window. The perfect cocktail would have to be love, passion, determination & support. It tastes better than anything in the world, apart from the buzz of success that you get afterwards.

Sweet Talker Disease.

In life I suppose there will always be one of those guys or girls that will sweet talk their way into your life. It's sad of course because the illusion of 'feelings' is highlighted, bold with itallics and then the other person is drawn in by the other persons good play.

Growing up we're given the whole "happily ever after" bullshit. And there most probably was a stage in every little girls heart that said that "yeah, I'm going to find my prince charming and together we're going to be happy forever."

But really, since way back when, Disney has lied to every little girl.

It also makes you think where the hell are all the decent guys out there? It sucks too because, some people deserve nice people but end up with the assholes instead. Tell me, tell me that is fair and if I'm wrong, I'll stop complaining.

I'm sick of being blinded by the bullshit.

Time

So time never stands still for anyone. I've always felt like there's so much that I'd like to do, but despite life being the longest thing you ever have to endure, it is quite short.

I'm still working on which path to go on. However so far I'm very into writting the novel that I've started. I havent updated here in ages and My lord is it weird reading the things that I've written in the past. It's also great in a way considering that it just helps with the motivation that's building up. College starts in give or take 5 months time, hopefully all that motivation doesn't die out before then.

Ive also come to the conclusion to start living alot more healthy. Better food, more exercise, cutting down on bad habits. Arrghh. I wanna change my style, but I guess I havent found myself yet. But I will one day. Hopefully.

Life As a Writer

"There are many reasons why novelists write - but they all have one thing in common: a need to create an alternative world.” -John Fowles

So I got accepted into Macleay College, of which I am so excited about. Whenever I think about my future I get all hyped up. I'm currently in the process of writing my first novel, I know alot of people may think, but your only eighteen. That's true but if you got a story to tell, why not share it with the world.

My novel isn't based on true life story or events. That will come later. But I believe that if I write a story that isn't real, it'll help people esape their lives even if it's just for a little while, like I do with books that I've read myself. I never really believed how long it actually took to process characters and what they looked like and their traits as well as dialogue. There is alot of work to be done. But hopefully when it's all done people will enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed making it.

xo D.

LADY CRUSH LIST <3

• Lady Gaga



• Megan Fox



• Angelina Jolie



• Leighton Meester



• Blake Lively



• Racheal McAdams



• Ashleigh Greene



• Nikki Reed



• Miranda Kerr

to LEAVE behind a legacy

NOW. I know that it may be weird for an 18 year old to write a novel, but i am.

Im in the process of writting songs. In the process of applying for College next year for journalism, to get my B.A. Im in the process of making an actors portfolio. Im in the process of staying healthy.

I'm quitting bad habits. Alcohol may become my new best friend. But i will leave a legacy when i die. I want to be known as a Song Writer, Singer, Actress && Journalist. Most people settle for what they get. I look at what I've got and believe in turning it around. I'll think of resting when I'm dead because while I AM alive, I'll assure you. I WILL be someone. I WILL leave my legacy, my mark on society.

WHY?

Because I'm an entertainer, an artist, a poet. I will live up to beyond my expectations create a world that people will envy to live in, to take my place. I will no longer wish. I WILL BE.

So much drive has never consumed me before, at least not this much. Im Passionate for my future. People will know who i am, my name will be on their lips and I refuse to be 'unknown' anymore.

xoxo Dee

Have you ever fought to find yourself?

Ive been so angry lately,

nothing's sitting right.

Ive been putting on my brave face.

Ive been putting up a fight.

Rage is what consumes me.

I try to be happy, I do,

But everything i do just isn't enough;

it's just never enough for anyone.

How can i portray the good in me.

When all i hide are smiles.

Why is it that hard to be me?

To let my true self shine.

I wanna be content.

I got to find myself again.

Where? I don't know, I can't say.

But i'll keep waiting patiently for the day.

Falling apart at the seams.

Have you ever felt like there's more to you then what you really know. Like why do you have the traits you do? Why you dislike the things you do? How you act around certain things, or how you act in general?

I've had this thought for quite sometime now. I know that I'm meant to be more then what i am already. I have dark desires and answers, i observe what others don't. I am unique.

Things i've done whilst little have occurred to me as just naughty things i used to do, but what happens if this 'thing' hasn't left? What happens if you finally and truly discover who you were before, that still lingers within you now?

Are you still you, or are you burying the person you once were?

So many questions, thoughts and answers to questions i haven't asked yet. But i know what i am, I guess i've always known, always fantasized it to be true. But you will never know what i really am. Who i really am. Or what i can do.

This is who i am, accept the unknown. Acknowledge what you think you know.

This is my story.

This is, My Secret.

The best things in life are free.

I believe beauty is timeless.

That love can conquer us all.

I believe that disasters combine us.

That compassion breaks the fall.

Broken people are beautiful, they are refined to be diamonds.

A little rough around the edges but within that is true beauty.

Distinguished smiles and silent cries, are what hold society together.

Hatred, pain and deception can last, but love is what's forever.

I believe in the simple things in life.

The priceless ones that rarely come.

I believe that there's more to ones being here,

then whatever meets anothers eye.

Words are the strongest weapons, nothing can hurt more then an invisible wound.

Laughter is the best medicine, you may not live longer but it can feel like you do.

A foot in someone else's shoes will help you understand more.

That Life's obstacles and suffering are chosen for the individuals.

I believe that i have beauty.

Despite my hostile ways.

I know that i can be more then this,

and to figure that out will take me till the end of my days.

I believe beauty is timeless...

© Diana Jane Berquist

Can you make it your own?

Life. Precious gift, the most precious you could say. But how precious it is, is how you make it right?
Well what if people that surrounded you tried to run your life?
Influence it in the sense that you feel that it may not even be yours anymore. I hope no one ever gets that problem, or is the reason for it. "Life is what you make it. It's not about how many breaths you take, it's about the moments that take your breath away". A saying we should live by.
End.

I Won't lie to you anymore.

What if you never met the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with? Would you know deep down that it's not right.
Do you believe that when you were brough into this world, you weren't a whole soul? Like you were only 1 half of your soul and that when the real person for you came along, they filled the spaces perfectly. But what if the person your supposed to be with is with someone else already? Or is on the otherside of the world, has unfortunately passed away (accidentally) before meeting? What will become of the soul that's still searching? Would the person know deep down if they havent existed yet? && how would it feel when your eyes meet?

Imagine, a life without love, without knowing what pain was. Despite being hurt being i believe pain has beauty in it too. How are we to appreciate the true beauty of what anything is without the pain of sometimes not having it. Its a tragic beauty that's what makes love, passion, sex so beautiful. But what if fighting for the person you think is right, isn't? Could you tear yourself away from them knowing that they aren't the ones for you, or will you strangle them with the false security of being 'the one'. Despite being young, i do believe that this can be a concern. just to think the amount of people being manipulated to think that some of the people they're with aren't the ones that they should be with.

Soul searching is in our human nature. Everyone wants someone to fulfill them entirely. Could your soulmate be someone that holds the pieces together when it feels like its about to fall apart?
I know sometimes i feel like im splitting from the seams. But its like this charge of energy that miraculously stitches it back together. But where are you, you idiot?
I'll be waiting, i'll be searching for you. Don't be too long now.

Kisses blown into the wind, to seranade my heart strings.

What is to become of me when all is said and done?
When is the time where my breaking point bends,
&& im not longer strained inside?
Why is there hunger, that cannot be fulfilled?
When beauty is what surrounds me.
Pretend is what i'm sensing now, it's what really guides me.

What is to become of you, when theres nothing left to give?
Trying to keep a hold of it, wanting me to finally live.
Where the souls located, you will finally see;
That my soul was lost long ago, & is no longer with me.
Will you turn on me, & think i'm self preserved?
Or will you try to search the soul that never had a chance to learn?

My eyes are the mirror of what was lost,
I wont let you in.
I don't want to be vulnerable, this i promise never ever, again.

© Diana-Jane

Its all about Composure, don't you think?

Lyrics

If time heals all wounds, then why are people still scared?

i'm not sure as to why I'm writting a blog today. Or why i am at all really, however i felt the need to just vent? Time heals all wounds...I'm not sure as to whether i believe it or not. Yes majority of the pain is gone, well, almost all of the pain is gone. However there is that one fraction, 1% of pain that can consume a person entirely. I guess that's how i can feel sometimes. Like obviously no one likes getting hurt, or hurting others. Unless they're a saddist or a wanker... Whichever floats your boat. I just don't understand as to why people feel the need to be able to be vulnerable to someone? That's all i can't comprehend at the moment. But at the same time, doesn't everyone deserve a chance?
I've based my life around chance, and i guess it can be a good thing, but i believe it can also be a bad thing. How to explain both sides. I'll get back to you, as I, myself havent firgured it out yet. But i guess you could say this is right? && if things aren't, they can be fixed right. Like they say "time heals all wounds", but scars the souls vulnerability to the extent that one day, no one will get in, or nothing will ever go out. Could anyone live with the fact that, that may happen to them? Who is willing to be breakable all for the sake of chance?
To open up is a big thing. Would it be worth it in the end to make a beginning? Let's hope so.

You chose to raise, now play your cards

You know often i find myself calling god with my shoe.**gigglez
Ok not really, but i often find myself questioning god && whether he has any influence as to what i do with my life or how i weigh out my options & end up making the decisions that i do.
I do believe that the devil takes part with humanity & helps provoke or entice people to give in to their wants. However what does god really do??
I wonder all the time whether he just sits and watches. Like he already knows that he's made his players in a game of cards, all different with different values and purposes. However how we choose to play our part is up to us. Maybe God is a sadist. I'm not being rude or whatnot but doesn't it feel like sometimes he just lets things happen. Even when those are losing faith, the way he gets us to find it again is by letting something bad happen again and then you find yourself pulling yourself through it.
I believe 'Death' is easy, 'Living' is the hard part. Or maybe this is hell and we're trying to buy our way into heaven before being condemned to another life here again. I'm not sure. I'd love to know what others think of this...

i wanna be remembered as the girl that changed your life.

"to define who i am, is to love what I'm not"
Now to those that may or may not understand this. You know I may not be the easiest person to get along with or to love, which is why i made that quote up. Because its more then what reaches the surface. People can love the 'idea' of who they think I am, but if they knew who i really was they wouldn't be so loving towards me you could say. I had a discussion with one of my bestfriends last night before my meds knocked me out and i realised how cold i can really be as a person. Like, i could turn my back on someone if they do me wrong as simple as saying hello to them for the first time. I hope i made a good impact on her last night, and hope that she listened to what i was saying. I guess i just feel very protective of those that i love or care about you could say.
I don't like seeing them in pain or any sorts of stress, because I'd feel Helpless if i couldn't do anything to fix them. But all the same, for this friend in particular she needs to be a little more strict on herself. She gives in waaaaay too easily. It makes her morals seem as though, well, like she hasn't really got any. And i told her that.
If its one thing anyone should know, it's that i don't fxck around, I tell you how it is, my opinion (whether required or not) will be said if you choose to listen, it's your choice. But I've always got your back if you do good by me.

i am who i am because of those that surround me.

Friends. Friends are basically family that you choose. Family are an always, i consider my friends family simply because of reasons that are obvious, When your family doesn't undestand you, they do. I May not be the most approachable person, and i push people away alot, i do however feel that whenever times get rough, i've always got at least one if not more friends to count on. I would like you to meet them. Here are just some of the people that help me daily to be the person that i am always. They don't judge, they take me as i am, and if i were to do something stupid they'd tell me without holding back.

who knows how long forever is, when it never seems to last

MARDIGRA.
I loveLOVElove gays & lesbians. I think they are wonderful people. One of the best night I've gone clubbing is at a gay bar call Stone Wall. IF ever anyone goes to Sydney please check out stonwall on oxford st, and get an Oxford St Ice tea. Only 3 people in Oxford St know how to make it. So give it a go. It contains at least 7 shots :) I know. Pretty awesome, && it also tastes waaay better then a normal Long Island Ice Tea.
Im really excited about this year ending, means that it's getting closer to the time i can spend in London. Can't wait to go. I need a break from all these tools && wankers here. But whatever. I also can't wait for the twilight dvd to come out. That's way awesome, although i have an illegal (shhh) copy already. So keen on getting the proper one. You know what they say
Peace.Love.Twilight.
&& i totally agree. lol. Anyways. Hope you enjoying the life of Dees World. Come Play.

ignite your existance, justify your passion

Im Diana-Jane, or commonly known as Dee. I'm 18 years old i live in a world full of uncertainty, power stricken people, failed love affairs & beauty. Despite a pained world we live in, the beauty is what makes things so much more significant.
I'm a singer, i love acting & dancing however I'm secretly a nerd in disguise.
I live in one of the greatest countries in the world Australia and currentlyan ex-HSCer && am now employed as a Secretary for a small company. Welcome to my world.

***To take a sneak peak into my HSC piece is a song from Meg & Dia- Nineteen Stars, don't mind the distractions and our stuff ups, we were practicing. This version is a slightly rnb feel as opposed to the original. hope you guys like it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLTybO_myW4